Someone catch that dog!

Today was particularly crazy. At one point I was carrying Austin in one arm and Lanna in the other arm and heading out to the car, all of a sudden our dog, Chaos, comes sprinting past me and out into the great outdoors. I could almost hear him yell "FREEDOM" as he ran past. The plan was to go to Costco, but I did not know if I should leave with Chaos loose, but it's not like I could chase him down with two kids in my arms. Heck, I can't chase him down without kids in my arms. I put the kids in the pack n play that I keep in the garage and went to investigate. It was obvious he was in a playful mood, he would dart pass me just daring me to try and catch him. After a while of playing this game I had an idea. I put the kids in their car seats and then opened the door for him to jump in like he got to go. He jumped in and was cornered. I grabbed him and drug him back into the house and off to Costco we went. Crazy pit bull 0, mommy 1. I think it's the only point I got all day though!

I miss my husband.

I miss my husband. I am sick of checking my email every 10 minutes hoping to hear anything from him. I hate waking up at night in a cold lonely bed. I hate putting the twins to bed every night by myself. I am sick of faking a smile and pretending to be strong. I hate that I don't have the energy to be the mom the twins need but I need to get away from them and can't. I hate that I have forgotten how it feels to be wrapped in his arms. I have had it with the time zone difference. I can't stand the major delay on the phones. I hate trying to be mom and dad all the time. I am tired of trying to push the "what ifs" out of my head all the time. I hate not feeling like I am complete. I miss my husband and I want him home.

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Yesterday (May 8, 2009) was Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Yesterday was not a good day for me, I can't say I felt appreciated, but I did read a poem that made me cry. Here it is:

A Day for You, the Military Spouse
by Sara Horn

A day where no uniforms need mending or patches sewn on;
A day where nothing breaks down when you are all alone;
A day when children listen and there are no tears to dry;
A day where there are no questions and you don't have to answer why;
This is the day I wish for you, the Military Spouse.

A day filled with peace and love and solidarity
A day where a phone call is just the start of the great day you'll see
A day when you realize that what you do has fantastic enormous worth
A day where for the first time in months you can breathe without the hurt
This is the day I wish for you, The Military Spouse

A day that's 24 hours closer to your loved one coming home
A day for webcams and Skype and soft I love you's before dawn
A day where there are no silly arguments, just constant mutual grace
A day filled with blue skies, happiness and faith.
This is the day I wish for you, The Military Spouse


If you know a military spouse, especially with their other half deployed, give them a hug, I guarantee they need it.

Catching Up

Well, I have not been the best about keeping up with this...but that's ok since I don't think I have actually told anyone about this. So since no one currently reads it, I guess it's ok that I am bad about keeping up with it! ;)

Anyhow....we are almost to the half way point of the deployment!!! WOOHOO!!! The twins will be one year old in a month, eek! And Jonathan should be coming home for 2 weeks for his mid-tour leave. Needless to say...I have a lot of excersizing that I should have been doing and a lot of cleaning and organizing to get done!

Austin has been crawling since about 9 months and Lanna started at about 10 months. Lanna is still not too profecient at crawling, but she can get where she wants to go. They both pull up to a standing position and loving knocking things off low tables. :)

I think that's about all for now. These past few days have been a little crazy for me, but we will get through it, I am sure. :)

sleep would be nice....

As I write this, I have to admit I am a little sleep deprived. Austin is either teething, but not actually cutting any teeth or he has just plain decided that sleeping all night long is ridiclious and he wants nothing to do with it!! I put him to bed around 8:00pm and he sleeps till 11:00pm, wakes up and fusses for a while, goes back to sleep, wakes up at 2:00am and every 30 mins there after until about 3:30am when he sleeps till about 5:00 and wakes up again. It is really cool, let me tell you. Lanna gets up 2-3 times a night for the most part. Needless to say, I am not getting a whole lot of sleep, this too shall pass....right?!? Someone tell me it's gonna pass! ;)

Speaking of not sleeping....Jonathan is not exactly sleeping either. He finally made it to FOB Echo and is working from 6:00 in the morning till about 12:00 at night. To bad the Army does not pay the whole time and a half for overtime.....we would be making bank right now! Anyhow, he works 18 hours and then has 6 hours to do everything else....like sleep! Sad to say it, but I might actually be making out better in the sleep catagory, which quite frankly is just sad! Hopefully his days will get cut back to 12 hours soon (though at 12 hours we would still be raking it in if he got overtime). Then he can do things like....sleep! ;)

The twins are doing pretty well, they are now eating one meal of solid foods a day, so far we have tried rice cereal, green beans and carrots. I am going to go for squash or sweet potatoes next. Carrots stain everything, and I am afraid that sweet potatoes will be the same! Oh well, what can you do?! Austin is rolling over both directions these days, he still hates being on his tummy though, Lanna on the other hand has no desire to roll over. She occasionally flips from her tummy to her back but has not gone the other direction. We are working on sitting up, but I think we have a ways to go before they are sitting independently. We will get there some day!

SIDS

Today's post is not really a happy one, but it's what's on my mind. These past few weeks I have heard of 3 babies being lost to SIDS, and one more a few months ago. One of the mom's put it this way: "I think it is a merciful way for Heavenly Father to take these sweet babies home. SIDS babies don't struggle or suffer, they just stop breathing." It is hard for me to feel that way, and I have not even been through that situation. They are doing more and more research on SIDS and it seems there are some genetic factors that weigh in, also environmental factors (for instance, exposure to second hand smoke) and also recent studies have shown that the part of the brain that produces serotonin is underdeveloped in babies and that could contribute. For now, I guess I will just pray that research continues and that they find a way to totally prevent SIDS. And right now I am going to go check on my two beautiful babies who are taking a nice long morning nap, kiss them on the forehead and pray that God protects them in all the ways I am not able to.

...and he's gone....

A friend of mine once explained it as there is "real time" and there is "deployment time." And I have to say I agree. In "real time" days pass by one after another, but when you are on "deployment time" you make every day, every minute and every second count. You find yourself laying in bed thinking "two more nights and I will be alone in this bed." Well, despite trying to stretch every second....the deployment came. And he's gone. I am now finding myself in the position of trying to be a mom and a dad for two babies. It's kind of like my first solo flight. The tower is spouting out instructions faster than you can comprehend, you are trying to descend at a steady rate, while keeping you airspeed constant, while not letting the wind blow you off course, while trying to say the proper things back to the tower, and all the time in your mind you are just desperately praying that you somehow make it through alive!!! And then you land (aka: the twins go down for their naps), but then you have to take off and do it all over again. Except instead of a few hours, I will be doing this for a year!! Thank goodness for mommy's that insist on coming to help you. :)

Well, enough about me....more about my poor husband. He called me Wednesday night from Maine, our last words while in the same country, and said all was going well so far and he was about to board a plane for the long trip overseas. Then today, I got an email from him saying that he had made it to Kuwait!!! WOOHOO!!! Unfortunately for him it was a warm 130 degrees. Perfect for a walk in the park eh? I have not tested it out yet, but I am 99% sure my body would shut down and refuse to function at that temperature. When I visited Death Valley, CA it was 118 degrees and I thought I might cease to exist.....and I was wearing shorts, a tank top and flip flops....which last I checked is much cooler than all out, full blown battle rattle. Really I am not sure why terrorist are so bent on keeping that place, if I was going to fight I would want to be fighting for some beautiful island in the Caribbean....that's just me though. Don't knock it till you have tried it, or something like that.

OK, well the twins are sleeping so I should go try and get a few things on the never ending to do list done. Please be praying for my soldier boy and all the other troops overseas!!